Saturday, October 4, 2014

The fall

When you finally experience something you thought you wouldn't have to, it's hard. Especially when the experience brings you pain.

I didn't know a single thing about being in relationship back in my high school. I just knew having some crush towards some random guys and it was temporary. And I didn't give any serious thoughts about that.

But I got into a relationship during my matriculation days. It was sweet, overwhelming, happy, and hard. Yeah it's hard when finally you are with someone and you ought to share everything with him. At first it was all love dovey thing nahh, 'I love you moon, stars and all planets whatnot.' but it didn't stay that way forever.

And me is a kind of person who hates explaining on everything I do. Or maybe I'm not into commitments yet. I didn't figure out what was wrong with me back then but it just felt so wrong and the unwanted feelings kept growing.

Breaking up.

To some point, I wanted to ditch him. On second thought, I didn't. Because he was all magical to me.

Now I'm good on my way. And he is pretty good with someone else. He's moving on very fast than I thought..

And all the sweet things in the past keep coming back, and as I'm not blind anymore.. They were all mere lies and confusions.

So now, if people were to ask me why we go on separate ways, I have no answer except that.. Allah loves us more than we thought we love each other.

I don't think it was even love for starter. It was me getting excited into something new. I was under no control, I let myself drown. But Allah indeed is there for me. Always. He pulled me back, making me realize that was not going anywhere but lost.

I slowly coming back to my senses.. I move on, literally.

There's still unresolved thing between us but that's okay, it was not something I treasure so much seeing how he is being happy with someone else right now.

Heh. "I love you more than you love me."

Remembering all the memories, brings me tears and heartache.

And that experience became one of the regrets that I have done in my life. I wish for no more regrets, Allahurabbi. Guide me in every single tiny thing I do. Aminn.

Finally..

I openly talk about this in my blog.

What's that means anyway?

Sunday, June 29, 2014

First Ramadhan 1435H

Assalamualaikum.

Alhamdulillah Ramadhan tiba lagi!

As usual, always for the better us. Do ibadah as many as you can, be good, be nice, be humble! Stay low, and banyakkan muhasabah diri. Kita tak semakin muda, mati pula tidak semakin menjauh. We are closer to it, day by day, seconds by seconds... are we prepared well or not is the question. May this Ramadhan be the best platform for us to make a change. Be it small or big, all the counting will be done by Him. Kita sebagai hamba, just lakukan apa yang diperintah. Moga-moga diredhai Allah.

Amin..

Friday, April 4, 2014

April

So it's already April now... how time really flies you see. And I'm in my mid semester break for only one week. Phew. Finally got some space to... technically breathe.

So I have no story for my journey balik kampung whatsoever because my university is just near my hometown already. I didn't feel the joy yang sumorang keeps talking bout balik kampung and such la. Tapi apa-apapun I have one happiness that others can't have, the ability to come home whenever I want! Hehehe. Makes sense okay.

Before mid sem ni dah ada few tests, and they are all wow. You've been up studying for the tests, you had study group - yeah efforts. But it just didn't work like we want. The tests were terribly horrible. Belajar ke tak belajar ke sama je tahap blur tu. We were all like, okay fine whateverlah. And the week before mid sem was surely challenging one. With assignments, tests, non-stop classes.. I don't know what were the lecturers thinking... How can in one day 8am - 1pm kelas tak berhenti. Gap 1 hour for solat. 2pm-5pm sambung balik kelas for like 3 hours straight?? Asas Keusahawanan pulak tu.. Really that day was really tiring, dengan laparnya, dengan phone takde baterinya. Haih. Yeah afterall, kiteorang got through the day!!

And it's holiday finally. FINALLY. There will be tests too after this midsem break. Aha. Mungkin kena study la kot cuti ni. Mungkin. Hihihi.

I really don't know nak update apa.. aku rasa aku dah lost the ability nak taip panjang2, cerita kat korang mende yang aku lalui,.. aku pun dah jarang membaca. What's wrong lah with me ni haih.

K, till then. Be safe.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

memories

so why we build so many memories if we were to left them behind?

WHY.

you know. sekarang kan aku da takut takut gitu nak rapat giler ngan orang, sharing everything - big or small / silly or brilliant. sebabnya, aku takut... nanti sume ni jadi memories je. and dyorang sume akan jadi somebody i used to know je! that's sad and wargh! kan...

so i kind of distant myself from some people but i just couldn't restrain myself from not talking to the others! (i love to talk so much i don't know whyy haha) so no. i don't want our good times end up just a good memories even though we can cherish them always but.. no. okay sekarang ni mesti korang pening kan apa yang fateng nak sebenarnya. haha

aku nak, every people yang kenal aku, yang build memories together sume tu please stay alive in my mind, my soul. i want every second to be the same with the seconds we spent together before. yes this is too much to ask i know so that's why i write this post. haha motifnyeee -__-

sebabnya... semua orang cam da lupe je aku.

hai korang. saye still kat sini, kat ganu, lalu dpn sekoloh kite duludulu tu sokmo, makan makanan ganu sokmo, and i know korang sume kat sana. jauh :(

aku dan mereka dah semakin byk gap. be it distance or anything else... aku biase2 je.. dyorang hebat2 da...

sedih pulak kan ending post aku. nak wat cemana.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Hakikatnya

Hakikatnya,
Bila jatuh cinta itu tak semuanya indah,
dan tapi bila kutahu ianya tak indah tapi ku tetap mahu..

Hakikatnya,
Nak jaga hati tu bukan mudah,
Bukan macam kita jaga barang,
Ini soal perasaan,
Yang tak boleh disentuh physically,
but mentally with warm words, actions and deep gaze.

Hakikatnya,
Bila jatuh cinta pasti ada dosa terpalit,
Bila cinta itu disalah ertikan,
Bila cinta itu bergantung pada nafsu,
Bila cinta itu based on eyes..

"She's beautiful. I wanna make her mine."
"He's handsome, I should accept him."

and along the way, all you see is beauty and it excites you everytime you are together..
Tapi, sikit kita taktahu,
Bila cinta itu pada rupa paras,
Ianya tak lama,
Sebabnya,
Itu semua dari-Nya,
Makanya.. Dia boleh tarik nikmat itu bila-bila masa,
dan masa itu, jatuh cinta yang kita sangka selamanya,
rupanya sementara..

..and when we realize, it will be too late,
for you, and for me.

Seek forgiveness from The Almighty,
Be better, be good to yourself..
and even more to your Creator...

ftnnura.01032014.2203

Sunday, February 9, 2014

I read and write to express myself

I think a lot but I don't say much.

I rasa la kan, I ni orang yang berimaginasi. Sebabnya.. kalau orang cakap sikit je, aku dah bayang bayang sampai ke mana-mana dah.

Contoh :
Umi : Kita renovate ah bilik fatin ni. Buang perabot ni.
Me : Okay. (padahal masa tu aku dah fikir macam-macam. Perabot ni buang, ada perabot baru. Pastu susun belah sana, meja tu duk sini. Nak kemas sentiasa blabla. Sampaikan aku terbayang-bayang aku ada kat bilik tu duk atas kerusi hadap laptop with a very good bedroom. Kemas, cantik, dan tersusun.)

Tapi, biasanya imaginasiku tu takkan terjadi. HAHA.

So kalau korang rasa korang ada buat aku marah, tapi aku still senyum and aku jawab "eh takde apala. hehe" sengih macam tu. Sebenarnya aku dah curse kau dalam minda aku ni, tikam kau da banyak kali. Masa tu kau da lenyek lenyek. HAHA.

Hipokrit? Tak. Aku rasa tu personaliti kot. And everyone differs.

Don't you think so?

Saturday, February 1, 2014

novel apa yang saya patut baca?

Assalamualaikum.

Hai, lama tak jumpa. Hikhiks. Blog ni pun macam da lain kan, haha. Sebab eager sangat nak buat blog comels tapi I don't have such creativity lah. Serious. Aku suka mende comels, seni gitu, tapi bila aku nak buat, erm halfway je lar. Haha. Kalau awak sume perasan, aku ada delete several posts dekat blog ni. Sebenarnya aku nak delete je blog ni tapi hahaha I love writing so much tangan asyik nak tulis and kadang-kadang tu ada je idea hehe.

So hari ni nak cakap cemana biasanya aku buat pemilihan novel (bakunye...) So, for malay novels la setakat ni aku suka publishers macam Jemari Seni, KakiNovel. Yang lain tu, aku rasa novel dia cam tak sesuai dengan jiwa aku. Haha. Ni pendapat aku jer la, jangan korang novel lain tak best pulak. Penat diorang reka cerita. Mekaseh ye awaks.

So aku kalau cerita jiwang, aku suka yang macam ni.

  • takde kawen paksa bagai ni. dulu-dulu suka ar, boleh la terima tapi sekarang cliche sangat -_-
  • hero dia awesome gila and masa kau baca tu, you can feel he is alive somewhere here. (haruslah handsome, sweet dan cool)
  • taknak dari page 1 sampai akhir, penulis tu duk puji heroin jeeeee. meluat tahu? dia soranglah yang cantik, yang baik, yang pandai masak, yang tak kisah orang cakap pape, yang tak layan lelaki hey kemongggg tahulah nak tonjolkan yang tu heroin tapi tak perlu la sampai macam tu k? nampak fakeeeee sangat. sebab she's perfect 10 and orang lain tak.
  • and tak perlu cerita yang lelaki tu tersangatlah head over heals toward that girl, I mean yer I tahu nak show the loveliness between them... tapi as for me lelaki yang sangat angau adalah tersangat tak awesome. cool and macho..... ok. haha
  • and kalau boleh taknak kawen terus, nak diorang just naturally hook up.. pastu dating sikit-sikit. still kekalkan nilai kemelayuan and keislaman di situ. I would respect that very much.
tu je kot aku punya specs, banyak je lagi tapi these are the mains kot. Apa? Takde cerita yang macam ni? Heyyy siapa yang kataa. I can suggests you some :
  • Jemari Seni : Baju Melayu Serindit Hijau by Syud
  • Jemari Seni : Si Mangkuk Tingkat by Faziela
  • Jemari Seni : Ikhlas, A.K! by Nirrosette
ada lagi banyak.. tapi malas nak tulis kihkihkih.

Currently, I'm reading this :
Sandal Bunga-bunga by Faziela
Till then, 
xoxo