Saturday, October 4, 2014

The fall

When you finally experience something you thought you wouldn't have to, it's hard. Especially when the experience brings you pain.

I didn't know a single thing about being in relationship back in my high school. I just knew having some crush towards some random guys and it was temporary. And I didn't give any serious thoughts about that.

But I got into a relationship during my matriculation days. It was sweet, overwhelming, happy, and hard. Yeah it's hard when finally you are with someone and you ought to share everything with him. At first it was all love dovey thing nahh, 'I love you moon, stars and all planets whatnot.' but it didn't stay that way forever.

And me is a kind of person who hates explaining on everything I do. Or maybe I'm not into commitments yet. I didn't figure out what was wrong with me back then but it just felt so wrong and the unwanted feelings kept growing.

Breaking up.

To some point, I wanted to ditch him. On second thought, I didn't. Because he was all magical to me.

Now I'm good on my way. And he is pretty good with someone else. He's moving on very fast than I thought..

And all the sweet things in the past keep coming back, and as I'm not blind anymore.. They were all mere lies and confusions.

So now, if people were to ask me why we go on separate ways, I have no answer except that.. Allah loves us more than we thought we love each other.

I don't think it was even love for starter. It was me getting excited into something new. I was under no control, I let myself drown. But Allah indeed is there for me. Always. He pulled me back, making me realize that was not going anywhere but lost.

I slowly coming back to my senses.. I move on, literally.

There's still unresolved thing between us but that's okay, it was not something I treasure so much seeing how he is being happy with someone else right now.

Heh. "I love you more than you love me."

Remembering all the memories, brings me tears and heartache.

And that experience became one of the regrets that I have done in my life. I wish for no more regrets, Allahurabbi. Guide me in every single tiny thing I do. Aminn.

Finally..

I openly talk about this in my blog.

What's that means anyway?